What Suffering People Really Need

Right now I am on the verge of tears after receiving the news that a fellow seminarian and friend lost his 2 year old daughter; while in the middle of a church plant meeting yesterday, we received a call to notify us that little Nora had fallen from an apartment window and died. It leaves you speechless to think of this family's suffering, and how they will never be the same......no parent ought to bury their child, and it breaks my heart to once again see this with someone I know. But what breaks my heart even more is how I know certain Christians (especially some Reformed folk) are going to respond to this; they will make the stupid and rather sad attempt at trying to answer the "whys?" that come about in tragedies such as these. What gets to me about the Western American Evangelical church is it's lack of a theology of suffering or death, and this lack results in us trying to answer all the "whys?", and leave us with no means of how to deal with suffering and death.

I remember the many times I went through loss and suffering, and sat back as Christians tried to theologize and explain things away; they try to tell you if the person is in heaven, or they try to tell you how God is at work in the situation. Truth is that it is not our responsibility and place to play the part of the theologian and try to answer questions in regards to people's loss an sufferings because we simply don't know. What else saddens me is that our current culture seems to condition people to seek the "whys?", and when a minister admits that they do not know the answers they are deemed as useless. When my grandmother was dieing an uncle of mine said to me, "As a man of God you ought to have faith, lay hands on her, and heal her.....where is your faith Rev. Williams?" Truth is that save faith in Christ being the Son of God, I had no faith, and it was in this state that I went to Grandmother's bedside; I then did the typical minister stuff...I read from the section for the dieing from the Book of Common Prayer, anointed her with oil, and then said my own little prayers for her. When it was all over she gave me a look as if this was not enough, and I saw that she was wondering why God was letting her die of cancer when she served Him diligently, ate right, and didn't smoke or drink. Upon seeing her face I said,

"MawMaw right now save faith in Christ I have no faith, I do not know or understand why God is letting all this happen to you.....it seems that it shouldn't be this way because you have served Him faithfully and loved Him more than anyone I know. If I could lay hands on you and bring down all the powers of heaven that you might be healed I would, but healing is God's choice and His alone. Grandmother I can't promise you healing, though I would love to. But there is one thing I can promise you....I can promise that there is a God. I can promise you that He created the heavens and the earth. I can promise you that He is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. I can promise you that He is Triune....Father Son and Holy Spirit, and that the Son gave His life to accomplish our redemption. I can promise you that He dwells within us by the Holy Spirit. I can promise you that He is providential. I can promise you that He loves you. I can promise you that He is beneficent and merciful. I can promise you that He sees all things and cares. I can promise you that His Paradise awaits those who are faithful to Him. I can promise you that all things good or bad work together for those who love Him. And in all this I promise you that no matter what happens, He will never leave you nor forsake you, and that this great God is with you right now holding you in the hallow of His hand, and with Him I also hold you."

After saying all this I watched as she took my hand and said, "Thank you baby....thank you." I left her still having to deal with the pain of her cancer, and I still had to face the pain of the chastisement of foolish friends and family, but from that experience I learned what suffering people need. As wonderful as my Reformed theology is suffering people do not need a Reformed or any other kind of systematic theological discourse from anyone....what suffering people need is a vision of who God is, and for someone to get in the darkness and cry with them. We are not called to answer the "whys?", we are called to help others bear their crosses as St. Simon of Cyrene helped our Lord bear His cross. I have five words to say to those whose only response to suffering people is cold, wooden literal, systematic theological statements.....PLEASE SHUT THE HECK UP, please just stop talking and trying to answer questions you can not answer, and silently bear the pains of the other person in compassion and love.